What can I ever know about your soul? Of your temptations, your opportunities, your struggles? How can I trust wholeheartedly in what I do not see and can not hear? So many questions in my mind. Did I love too much or love too little? …
Regardless of your answers, these things i know. I had the pleasure of rubbing the bottom of your foot with the top of mine, you had the pleasure of pressing your palm on soft curve of my lower back. We felt joy. We opened the deepest parts of ourselves to each other. My searching lips had the pleasure of tenderly grazing the corners of your mouth, your fingertips had the pleasure of tracing the outlines of my face. We laughed and dreamed together. We created personalities for and grew to love inanimate objects. We knew the serenity of each other’s smile. You kissed my eyes. I felt the heat radiate from your smooth skin. The gasps of pleasure. The squeals of delight. I felt your sweet, soft breath upon my neck. The comfort. The way you made me feel safe. You appreciated the help of my practical side. You corrected my errors but felt proud of my trying. The way we took care of each other. The way you felt a current go through your stomach with the slightest of my touches. I loved your lamb. You laughed at mango salad. We shared poetry and music. We shared film and art. Our caresses evoked the lover from the friend. Our sense of possession evoked the guardian from the child. We made plans. We learned. We travelled. Christmas. Letters. Photographs. Surprise arrivals. Gifts. Letters. Music. Home videos, We experienced. We supported through hard times. We made promises. The texture of skin, the scent, the taste. The changes in temperature, the slightest movements that would make each hair stand on end. We celebrated important occasions. We learned from each other. The beautiful words. The beautiful intentions. The tears, happy and sad. Pride. The moments that took our breath away. y mas y mas y mas. I simply can not do everything justice. So much is lacking in these memories. What there was… falling in love… realizing pure, unconditional love, feeling complete if only for a short moment in time. These are the films that play on the screens of the inside of my eyelids. These are the sensations I try to hard to evoke with the absence of touch.
It wasn’t enough. It wasn’t enough. So many plans… so many feelings yet to experience, yet to share.
And the future…
…… “If you love something, set it free, if it comes back to you, its yours. If it doesn’t, it never was.” – Richard Bach, 1936
Leave a Reply